I don't know about other girls mom's but mine is the best! She is smart, fun, beautiful, loves the Lord, giving, caring, assertive, and she Loves me unconditionally. Growing up it was my hearts desire to be with my Mom and to make her pleased with me. Now that i am grown she is my best friend and I Love her so dearly. It scares me sometimes how much we are like one another.
As a mother myself now I have growing fears that my relationship with "G" will not turn out as my mother's and mine. I fear that she won't want to spend time with me when she is grown. That she just sees me as a strict Mom who fusses at her and doesn't let her do what she wants. I have been very convicted about this as of late. I feel like I need to take steps now to assure that we have a healthy Mother/Daughter relationship.
I was kept up all night Tuesday by an incident that had happened late that evening with G. She said something that was very troubling and I made her explain it to me so that I knew why she had said it. In getting this info from her I made her cry. It wasn't my goal but I NEEDED to know. It was a very serious matter and I needed the truth. But all night I thought, "she is scared of me, she doesn't feel safe with telling me things, I have failed". So in the morning I crawled into the bed with her and snuggled with her and assured her of my love and that she had not done anything wrong. That it was just Mommy's job to make sure she was safe and that was what I was doing. She seemed to understand and not think much of what had happened the night before at all.
I spoke with Hubby about my concerns and we decided I needed to do more with G one on one. To make more Mommy/Daughter time. Time where there was no room to be cleaned or brother to nag or task that Mommy had to tend to.
So I am taking G to get our nails done on Saturday. Nothing fancy, just a little time away just us girls to giggle and be ladies and bond. She is such a treasure to me and I want to communicate that to her without sounding like "lets be friends", because at this point she doesn't need a friend but a Mother. I am OPEN to all ideas and Godly advice to grow that special bond with her. I know the bond between Mother and Daughter is like NO other and I want to cultivate mine with G to make ours strong now and in the years to come. I ultimately know God is gracious and merciful and He hears my cries to Him and my plea's to be a Godly mother and to lead them in the way that brings Him the most glory. Because Ultimately that is all that matters.
Sorry for the venting session but my heart has been so heavy. Again I would love tips!
oh, dear friend! your post made me cry. You are a great mom!!! I have feared the same kinds of things though about my girls growing up. Fight those thoughts! One, each day has enough trouble of it's own, and two, in Scripture, God does seemed normatively pleased to bless generationally.
ReplyDeleteI know that one thing I have done frequently is to pray that God will give me favor in the eyes of my children! You are right though; we also have a responsibility to love and show grace and discipline and shepherd their hearts. I think you already do all this, but I have read parts of Girl Talk by Carolyn Mahaney and her girls and also listened to their seminars (you can download or purchase from the SG store) on moms and daughters - EXCELLENT!!! Excellent! I would highly recommend you get those resources - listen to them now to set goals and get encouragement (none of us is perfect and yet God LONGS to be gracious to us and our families and has ordained YOU specifically to be their mom) and then later for more practical stuff again!
I also have tried to practice apologize to the girls when I don't do what I ought - get mad, impatient, have been too "busy" for them, don't love well, etc. But I know you do that!
Also, the best piece of advice I was ever given in parenting was from a mom of 5 grown and she said something like, "In these days of having to discipline so frequently be sure to make as many things "yes" as you can. Don't make too many no's in your house. And make sure that while they know to respond to you that you often call their name and when they look simply say, "Just wanted to tell you that I love you." I love that - because so often I was calling Anna to tell her "don't touch that" or "don't do that" or whatever. Of course one of the most loving things for them now is also discipline - and I often remind Anna of that because I know she doesn't typically like it - lol.
I'm so thankful for God's grace in your life and I pray biggest blessings on you and Gracie! I know I will be asking you plenty more advice in the future!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks Lauren! You are such a great Sister in the faith. You encourage me more than you know. I will look up those sermons and make time to truly hear them.
ReplyDeleteI know all of the things you said to be true and practice a lot of them. I think sometimes I just get discouraged and I forget that she is 5. But as you reminded me His grace is sufficent and He is more than able to take care of the things I have not control over anyway.