Saturday morning I got up, got ready and told G to get ready too. She wanted to watch cartoons but I had plans for us. We jumped in the car and headed down the road to the local nail salon. When we pulled in I told G that WE were going to get our nails done together. She was excited but was instantly nervous when we walked in and she didn't understand a word that was being said to her. Let's just say it is owned by sweet folks that English is their second language. However, she was soon involved in choosing the color she wanted to paint her nails with (purple with silver glitter) and giving advice to me about the color I should choose (pink). We sat together and just enjoyed one another doing something fun and fancy. I can tell she felt big. She felt loved. She felt special. Mission accomplished! I know this isn't an instant fix to having a good relationship but it is my start. Spending time with her, encouraging her in the Lord, making HER feel like she is a priority in my life even more than the dishes and laundry. Showing her that I love her unconditionally.
I shared with my Sunday School class that I was feeling discouraged and asked for their prayers. I can honestly say, I feel God moving and changing my heart. I feel the comfort only He can give. In the last week I have made a concentrated effort to praise G (and J) when I see something positive. I have also slowed down my reactions to disobedience. I want to be slow to become angry and I am working on that. I am reminding myself that they are children and they are going to be disobedient. THEY ARE NOT PERFECT THEY ARE SINNERS JUST LIKE ME!
I am so blessed to have them! They have changed me and my view of God's love for me. They have truly shown me what a true sacrifice it was for God to send His ONLY son for SINNERS such as me. I wouldn't be willing to give my children for a righteous man much less someone who doesn't deserve anything. But thankfully I serve a Merciful God who gives Grace freely to all who believe and trust in the sacrifice of His only son Jesus Christ. What Love! That is the love I want to show G and J. I want to adorn the Gospel and make Jesus attractive.
Thank you all for your prayers in my days of discouragement. I am encouraged and I know this is a lifetime process and I am going to ENJOY the ride!! I am going to ENJOY the giggles, stories, songs, dances, games, pictures, and all of the hugs and lovings. They are not perfect kids but they are MY kids. I am not a perfect parent but I am the parent God chose for them. God be merciful to me a sinner.
Living Wide Awake
5 days ago