Mountain Mama!

Mountain Mama!

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

This is so true!!!

How to prepare for nursing. The following is an article that was taken from a parenting magazine years ago after I nursed my daughter. Starting out was one of the roughest things I have ever done in my life. I ended up nursing her for 21 months, J for 24 and am just starting out again with P and it is one of the most rewarding experiences as a mother but honestly painful and @ times discouraging and draining. I hope you enjoy and get a laugh or two.

How to PREPARE for Nursing

1. Gently rub your nipples with sandpaper.

2. At bedtime, set your alarm clock to go off every two hours. Each time it rings spend 20 minutes sitting in a rocking chair with your nipples clamped with a pair of chip clips.

3. Draw branching lines all over your chest with a blue-green marker and stand in front of your bathroom mirror and sing "I Feel Pretty."

4. Open your already crowded freezer and make room for five dozen plastic milk bags.

5. Fit the hose of a vacuum cleaner over one breast and set on "medium pile." Turn off vacuum when nipple is three inches long. Switch breast.

6. Obtain "DO NO CROSS" tape from your local police station and wrap firmly around your chest. when your spouse asks about it, say, "Get used to it."

7. Tape a water balloon to each breast and squeeze into a maternity bra. Repeatedly hook and unhook the nursing flaps with one hand while using the other hand to balance a sack of squirming puppies.

8. Dine in the fanciest, snootiest restaurant you can afford, making sure to arrive with a big wet spot directly over each nipple.

9, Record your mother proclaiming, "Just give the baby some cereal like God intended and and she'll sleep right through the night." Play in an endless loop at 1 A.M., 3 A.M., and 5 A.M.

10. Slather your breast with peanut butter, top with birdseed, and stand very still in your backyard.

11. Go someplace public -a museum, a courthouse,, the steps of your office building-and stuff a lifelike baby doll under your shirt. Use the doll's arm to suddenly hike the shirt up past your collar bone. Lower shirt. Feign nonchalant smile.

12. Suckle a wolverine.

CONGRATULATIONS!!!! You are now ready to nurse a baby. Maybe!

(Melissa Balmaain, a freelance writer)

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

The Baby is here!!!!

I am NOT pregnant anymore!!!!!!!!!!! I am so very thankful and I am feeling so so so much better. Our son "P" was born on my husbands mother's birthday. She passed away 21 days before our son J was born which was almost 3 years ago. Our daughter got to know her. Our son J was named after her. And now P shares her birthday. They all have a piece of her. My labor was easy as can be expected. I had a very good epidural! The delivery was easy peasy. My hubby pushed the epidural button moments before delivery so I was completely numb for the pushing. It turned out to be a good thing because I had to wait while I was 10 centimeters for the Dr. to get there. He wasn't even at the hospital! But he got there and it was 3 contractions to push through and we had our newest bundle of joy. We are so very blessed! He is so precious and such a good baby. I couldn't ask for a sweeter little boy. He was 9.2 lbs! I was shocked to have an over 9 pound baby. But I knew that he had to be big because I was HUGE and I hurt so bad. I am enjoying this new adventure of 3 children. I am in a bit of a dreamland for now because my mother is here helping me and she will be greatly missed when she returns home. But I am not thinking about that for now.
All glory to my loving Heavenly Father for knitting together in my womb this child, and trusting him to my care. Let me teach him to Fear and Love the Lord!

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Quote of the Day!!!

Yesterday our family was watching the extensive coverage of Bin Laden's death. Fox news had interviewed many, many random people at Ground Zero. G was taking it all in. She was very attentive, so I shared with her why people were so happy about this mans death. I told her about 9/11 and how he had planned the whole thing. I told her that people were happy that this man wasn't going to be able to hurt anyone else.
She says, "Yeah, he is in Hell now!"
Hubby and I looked at each other in shock. I remembered back to the interviews on Fox. A man had said "He split Hell wide open". So, I guess that is where she got that.
Regardless, of who is in office. I just have to say I am proud to be an American. I am not rejoicing in Bin Laden's death but I know that the Lord does deliver justice. I am proud that our country offered him more respect in his death and burial than he showed others. I am so thankful for our servicemen and their families who sacrifice for our freedom. We were all enjoying our Sunday afternoon together, enjoying fellowship with one another, playing with our children, while men were risking everything so that we could enjoy that freedom. So, thankful!