This is so true!!!

How to prepare for nursing. The following is an article that was taken from a parenting magazine years ago after I nursed my daughter. Starting out was one of the roughest things I have ever done in my life. I ended up nursing her for 21 months, J for 24 and am just starting out again with P and it is one of the most rewarding experiences as a mother but honestly painful and @ times discouraging and draining. I hope you enjoy and get a laugh or two.

How to PREPARE for Nursing

1. Gently rub your nipples with sandpaper.

2. At bedtime, set your alarm clock to go off every two hours. Each time it rings spend 20 minutes sitting in a rocking chair with your nipples clamped with a pair of chip clips.

3. Draw branching lines all over your chest with a blue-green marker and stand in front of your bathroom mirror and sing "I Feel Pretty."

4. Open your already crowded freezer and make room for five dozen plastic milk bags.

5. Fit the hose of a vacuum cleaner over one breast and set on "medium pile." Turn off vacuum when nipple is three inches long. Switch breast.

6. Obtain "DO NO CROSS" tape from your local police station and wrap firmly around your chest. when your spouse asks about it, say, "Get used to it."

7. Tape a water balloon to each breast and squeeze into a maternity bra. Repeatedly hook and unhook the nursing flaps with one hand while using the other hand to balance a sack of squirming puppies.

8. Dine in the fanciest, snootiest restaurant you can afford, making sure to arrive with a big wet spot directly over each nipple.

9, Record your mother proclaiming, "Just give the baby some cereal like God intended and and she'll sleep right through the night." Play in an endless loop at 1 A.M., 3 A.M., and 5 A.M.

10. Slather your breast with peanut butter, top with birdseed, and stand very still in your backyard.

11. Go someplace public -a museum, a courthouse,, the steps of your office building-and stuff a lifelike baby doll under your shirt. Use the doll's arm to suddenly hike the shirt up past your collar bone. Lower shirt. Feign nonchalant smile.

12. Suckle a wolverine.

CONGRATULATIONS!!!! You are now ready to nurse a baby. Maybe!

(Melissa Balmaain, a freelance writer)

The Baby is here!!!!

I am NOT pregnant anymore!!!!!!!!!!! I am so very thankful and I am feeling so so so much better. Our son "P" was born on my husbands mother's birthday. She passed away 21 days before our son J was born which was almost 3 years ago. Our daughter got to know her. Our son J was named after her. And now P shares her birthday. They all have a piece of her. My labor was easy as can be expected. I had a very good epidural! The delivery was easy peasy. My hubby pushed the epidural button moments before delivery so I was completely numb for the pushing. It turned out to be a good thing because I had to wait while I was 10 centimeters for the Dr. to get there. He wasn't even at the hospital! But he got there and it was 3 contractions to push through and we had our newest bundle of joy. We are so very blessed! He is so precious and such a good baby. I couldn't ask for a sweeter little boy. He was 9.2 lbs! I was shocked to have an over 9 pound baby. But I knew that he had to be big because I was HUGE and I hurt so bad. I am enjoying this new adventure of 3 children. I am in a bit of a dreamland for now because my mother is here helping me and she will be greatly missed when she returns home. But I am not thinking about that for now.
All glory to my loving Heavenly Father for knitting together in my womb this child, and trusting him to my care. Let me teach him to Fear and Love the Lord!

Quote of the Day!!!

Yesterday our family was watching the extensive coverage of Bin Laden's death. Fox news had interviewed many, many random people at Ground Zero. G was taking it all in. She was very attentive, so I shared with her why people were so happy about this mans death. I told her about 9/11 and how he had planned the whole thing. I told her that people were happy that this man wasn't going to be able to hurt anyone else.
She says, "Yeah, he is in Hell now!"
Hubby and I looked at each other in shock. I remembered back to the interviews on Fox. A man had said "He split Hell wide open". So, I guess that is where she got that.
Regardless, of who is in office. I just have to say I am proud to be an American. I am not rejoicing in Bin Laden's death but I know that the Lord does deliver justice. I am proud that our country offered him more respect in his death and burial than he showed others. I am so thankful for our servicemen and their families who sacrifice for our freedom. We were all enjoying our Sunday afternoon together, enjoying fellowship with one another, playing with our children, while men were risking everything so that we could enjoy that freedom. So, thankful!

Ahhhh!

I am all about hats! I was over the moon watching all of the beautiful women in their hats this morning at the Royal Wedding. However, I must say this one was VERY... distracting (to say it sweetly). What do you think?

Her Dress!

I LOVED watching the Royal Wedding this morning. G and I didn't get up in time to watch the entire thing together but we did get to enjoy the recessional and we saw the Kiss on the balcony. I think she thought it was really neat to see a girl become a princess (or duchess) right before her eyes just like in a fairytale.
I LOVED Kate's dress! It was so classy and so appropriate. I would have worn it had it existed. I don't personally know Kate (shocking) but she seems so sweet, genuine and classy. So I think her dress matched her personality!
I know my wedding doesn't compare on a grandure scale with the Royal wedding that occurred today, but don't we all just feel like a princess on our wedding day. I am thankful for my Prince that God "gifted" me. He is my best friend and my spiritual head. I am so thankful for my Prince Charming!


One sad fact, Kate and William have dated longer than I have even known Hubby.
Will and Kate's status: Married today.
Hubby and my status: Married for almost 7 years, and have almost 3 children.
(Thankful I had a man who knew I was what he wanted, and didn't wait. Waite Corie doesn't rhyme anyway.)

Shout out!!

I know it is "Royal Wedding Week" it is also DeSoto Queen and Princess selection time. I wanted to send some love to my Princess, Rachel.
I have enjoyed looking at all the pictures from this past months celebration. They bring back a lot of memories! I know 2 sweet girls on the court this year. During Rachel and my year we were thick as thieves and even though we live states apart she is still one of my best friends! Love you Rachel!! You can look at the Court HERE. Friday night the Queen and Princess will be selected.

Up from the ground He arose.

Just thought I would share a cute Easter Story. My kids have been watching the animated version of "The Passion" for the last week. It is a constant question, "can we watch the Jesus movie." I have indulged partly because I want them to know the story inside and out, but also I have zero energy being 9 months preggers.
While I was cooking dinner a few nights ago I could hear my kids playing in the living room. G and J were acting out the movie. I peeked in and saw G laying prostrate and weeping saying "Sir, if you took His body, just tell me where you have laid Him." Then she instructed J to say, "Mary it is I"
I love them and I love that they are learning the story and I long for the day that it is not just head knowledge but heart knowledge!
I hope you all had a blessed Resurrection Sunday!j
(P.S. My Easter dress was thrifted for $6.00 and it is Vera Wang for Target. It isn't maternity but it worked!)

Easter Baskets

While my mother was visiting us a few weeks ago she made Easter Baskets with my children. They had a blast making them and I thought I would share the results of their crafting with you. Both baksets are covered milk jugs. Jboy made a basketball with orange felt and black foam. Ggirl made Hello Kitty out of cotton balls and colored foam.
At the Easter Egg Hunt we attended both kids filled their baskets numerous times over and had a blast!

Good Friday.

Last night my G girl got VERY upset before bed. I had a hard time claming her enough to find out what the problem was. My mind always jumps to something terrible. I fear someone has hurt her or she has done something she is very sorry for. Once she was calmed enough to speak she expressed her fears. She said, "I wish I didn't have brothers, so that you could love just me."
Of course my first comment was to inform her that that was her sinful, black heart that felt that way. That her brother J is her best friend and she would be so very sad without him. Then I got to share with her the wonderful gift God has given mothers. The ability to love another child without taking any love away from the others.
As my due date comes closer I am flooded with memories of fears I had right before I had J boy. I remember desperately holding onto G the nights before his arrival and thinking "She wouldn't be my baby anymore." I remember thinking "I don't want this new baby to take the place she holds in my heart."
However, these fears and lies that I was feeding myself were washed away completely. God has truly given us the ablility to love our children equally and unconditionally.
Having children has taught me more about the Father's love for us. How much Him giving us His son was truly sacrifical. How I would be unwilling to give my children for a righteous man much less my enemy. How He doesn't love me less when I fail him daily. He just looks at me and sees the image of His Beloved Son in whom He is well pleased.
I understand G's fears. She if feeling better today. She is assured of my love and she understands greater that my love is unconditional just as God's love is when we place faith in Jesus' finished work on the cross.
I am so thankful for the Cross!

Resurrection Rolls

I once made a pan of brownies that I thought marshmallows would be yummy in. So I mixed them in the batter and threw them in the oven. When the brownies were done they were full of holes where marshmallows once were. That is when I discovered that if you bake them they will...disappear!
I have read this idea somewhere else, so it is not original to me but I love using this idea of disappearing marshmallows to demonstrate to a child that the Tomb was empty on Easter morning!
We will be making Resurrection Rolls this Easter:

Ingredients:
One can of crescent roll dough
8 large marshmallows (or one for each roll you’ll be making)
Melted butter
Cinnamon sugar
Bible or Easter storybook

Assemble rolls and read the story:
1. Read John 19, spend the week before reading John 12-18 with your kids.
2. Unroll the crescent rolls. Explain that this is like the cloth they wrapped Jesus in.
3. Give your child a marshmallow and explain that it represents Jesus's body… all white and pure because He was without sin.
4. Roll the marshmallows in the melted butter. This symbolizes the embalming oils.
5. Roll the marshmallows in the cinnamon sugar. This is like the spices used to prepare his body for burial.
6. Wrap the marshmallow in the crescent roll cloth, pinching the dough together securely. Don’t worry about the shape so much, they’ll taste the same no matter how you roll or bundle them. This represents how they would have wrapped Jesus’ body in burial clothes. I like to brush them with more melted butter, but it’s not necessary.
7. Put the rolls in the oven (symbolizing the tomb) and bake for the amount of time specified on the crescent roll package.
8. While the rolls are baking, read John 20:1-18.
9. Open the tomb (oven) and remove the rolls. When they’re cool enough to handle, break one open and discover what happened to the marshmallow. Jesus is risen!

Hillbilly baby.

Just a picture I thought I would share from the past week. It was Hillbilly Days in Pikeville, KY. I thought it was fitting I take a picture there, barefoot and pregnant.

My Hubby!!

I am my husbands #1 fan. However, I am also one of his sheep. I am blessed to be able to sit under his preaching and teaching at Grace Baptist Church. In the last 8 years I have learned more about Christ and His finished work on the Cross than I did in all the years of Sunday School and Church and youth group and conferences combined. I know you think I am biased but he is a WONDERFUL preacher. He is truly been gifted with the spiritual gift of teaching. Now you can see for yourself. He has put his sermons on the Internet and you can be blessed by them too.
Go to http://www.sermon.net/. In the little search area type Andrew Smith or Grace Baptist Church.