Last night my G girl got VERY upset before bed. I had a hard time claming her enough to find out what the problem was. My mind always jumps to something terrible. I fear someone has hurt her or she has done something she is very sorry for. Once she was calmed enough to speak she expressed her fears. She said, "I wish I didn't have brothers, so that you could love just me."
Of course my first comment was to inform her that that was her sinful, black heart that felt that way. That her brother J is her best friend and she would be so very sad without him. Then I got to share with her the wonderful gift God has given mothers. The ability to love another child without taking any love away from the others.
As my due date comes closer I am flooded with memories of fears I had right before I had J boy. I remember desperately holding onto G the nights before his arrival and thinking "She wouldn't be my baby anymore." I remember thinking "I don't want this new baby to take the place she holds in my heart."
However, these fears and lies that I was feeding myself were washed away completely. God has truly given us the ablility to love our children equally and unconditionally.
Having children has taught me more about the Father's love for us. How much Him giving us His son was truly sacrifical. How I would be unwilling to give my children for a righteous man much less my enemy. How He doesn't love me less when I fail him daily. He just looks at me and sees the image of His Beloved Son in whom He is well pleased.
I understand G's fears. She if feeling better today. She is assured of my love and she understands greater that my love is unconditional just as God's love is when we place faith in Jesus' finished work on the cross.
I am so thankful for the Cross!
Living Wide Awake
5 days ago